


Shopping Centre

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Post-Sirius in Azkaban, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 20:42:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5942473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus and Sirius go Christmas shopping</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shopping Centre

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

"Why in the Founders' names are we in this rat hole?" Sirius asked really loudly. However, none of his fellow shoppers heard him over the loud Christmas carols that played incessantly over powerful speakers.

"Because **your** godson wants us to give a wizarding gift and Muggle one to bring the two cultures together. We can find the presents, disappoint him or kill him. Which would you rather do?" Remus replied annoyed. He had patiently answered the question twenty-six times already and that was twenty-five times too many.

Sirius sighed. "But what are these CCDs he wants?"

Remus looked at the note Hermione had given them. She had used a strange plastic tube to write and white paper, saying it would attract less attention than a parchment. "It's DVDs. Not sure what they are, but Hermione wrote that we can find it in a video store."

"And what is a video store?"

Remus looked murderous. "How should I know? Let's look at that thing with the list of the stores again."

The two wizards looked helplessly at the directory: children, men, women, electronics, toys, entertainment, food, but no video store.

"What do we do know?" Sirius asked dejectedly. He was tired, he was sweating - how and why in Merlin's name did Muggles make their buildings so warm - and he was hungry.

"I don't know." Remus hadn't sounded so desperate even when they were facing Voldemort. "We'll never find these DVDs."

"Have you tried FYE? It's on the second floor. If you can't find them there, you'll have to order them online," a young, blond girl told them in an overly sweet voice.

The two men stared at her in disbelief. She was around ten years old. She was a baby who shouldn't know anything about this evil centre that trapped people in a tropical climate when they were wearing heavy coats. She was their Saviour.

Remus finally wake up from his torpor enough to address the girl, "Mmm...thank you."

~+~RL~+~SB~+~

The two wizards entered the store to be assaulted by loud music. Hundred of teenagers pushed, pulled, screamed and giggled.

"Annoying little brats, they should be hexed six ways to Sunday. How dare their parents let them wonder around to pester others!" Sirius huffed.

Remus tried to stifle a laugh at the outburst.

Sirius glared at him. "Why are you laughing?"

"You sounded just like Severus. I don't know if I should laugh or be scared."

"Oh, do shut up. Let's get these things and go."

They moved down the aisles until they found the title they were looking for. Sirius grabbed the DVD and stared at the case. "This is what Muggles think a elf looks like? Bloody people have no idea."

Remus peeked over Sirius's shoulder. "Well, their version is much more attractive than ours. The pointed ears are a little strange, but the rest...This Legolas elf looks like Malfoy."

"Oh bugger, don't remind me." Sirius shivered. "To think that my godson, Prong's son is dating a Malfoy makes me sick." Sirius turned and stared wide-eyed at Remus. "You don't think that there are naked pictures of this Legolas bloke in this thing."

Remus shook his head. "From what Hermione said, it's a story about friends that destroy this dark lord."

"Like we didn't have enough of that," Sirius said sarcastically. "Let's just pay."

After they stood in line for a good twenty minutes, they finally reached the cashier.

"Would that be Visa, Mastercard, or American Express?" the teenager asked in a monotone voice caused by frequent repetition.

Sirius looked back at the boy with raised eyebrow.

"How would you be paying, Sir? Visa, Mastercard, or American Express?" The boy repeated slowly as if speaking to a child or an idiot.

"Money?" Sirius cursed himself for sounding so unsure.

"I'm sorry, Sir. We don't accept cash at this machine. You'll have to pay at one of the other cashiers. Next!"

Sirius pulled his wand out and was ready to hex the boy.

Remus grabbed his arm. "Calm down, Siri. Go outside and wait for me. I'll take care of this." The calmness in his lover's voice helped Sirius focus. He hid the wand in his pocket again and walked out.

Thirty minutes later, with a Lord of The Rings DVD in his possession, Remus finally joined his lover who was sitting like a derelict on the floor. "You looked better right after you escaped from Azkaban," Remus noted.

Sirius merely raised his eyes. "I want to go home. This place is evil," he said with a pout.

"Soon, Padfoot. We just need to get this 'mobile' thing."

"What is moving?"

"Not moving, a mobile. Something Muggles use to communicate or so Hermione wrote down."

They wondered for another hour, trying to figure out what a mobile was and where to buy it. Sirius finally had enough. He grabbed his lover's arm and pulled him toward the toilet.

"What in Godric's name are you doing, Sirius?"

The animagus pushed his lover inside a stall and locked the door, manually and magically. A quick silencing spell ensured them privacy. Sirius pushed the werewolf against the wall and kissed him.

A ferocious battle of tongues started, neither wanting to give control to the other. Hands moved toward trousers' buttons while lips never broke the contact.

Sirius didn't know how and when he found himself face against the wall with Remus's prick up his arse, but he didn't care. The werewolf pumped into him with brutal strength. Sirius happily relinquished control as Remus started to pump his erection until they both collapsed against the wall, sweaty, dirty and out-of-breath.

~+~RL~+~SB~+~

They returned home, after having bought everything Hermione had suggested, plus a gift for the witch that had been recommended by Harry. The Boy Who Lived greeted them as they slumped on the comfortable couch

"How was your shopping trip?" Harry asked curious.

Sirius looked at his godson. "Tiring, confusing, but-" Sirius grinned. "-you were right. It was really exciting."

### The End ###


End file.
